The Man Makes the Beard

Beards are not manly. I repeat, Beards Are Not Manly.

Our society has a serious fixation n beards as of late. I grew out my recent beard for the past 8 months and it was a doozy. 3 inches of hair hanging off my chin. That did not make me manly, though. Do you know how hard I had to work and how many trials and tribulations I had to go through to get that bad boy? None. Zero. It was straight up easy. My recently deceased facial hair did not make me a man or define me at all. All it said was “This male has appropriate hormones.”

I know plenty of great guys with lush beards. I have also seen plenty of losers sporting neck beards and chinstraps. “Oh, that guy didn’t have the time to shave this morning, I bet he climbs mountains without a shirt on.” Obviously that’s not a real quote, but I think plenty of people think in a similar fashion.

Beards are lazy. I grew mine because I hate hate hate having to regularly shave. Since I dress in a way that shows I sleep in a bed at night and not an alleyway my beard was admired. So I shaved it off. Am I still an Eagle Scout? Still a teacher? How about still a man? Yupp. That did not change at all. I know guys with awful beards that should be burned off. I have friends who can give Paul Bunyan a run for his money. Those burly busters could still end up in an office for their whole life, never once facing off with a bear or a cliff. So some manly guys have beards? Plenty don’t.

I do not need a beard to impress my girlfriend, help me out while working in my garage or anything else in life. It kind of kept my face warm. So now, I am chilling on the beard and the beard society. Call me Smooth McGroove from now on. It’s the man that makes the beard.