I fucking love working out. I have this revamped energy since the gyms reopened post quarantine, and it keeps snowballing. I picked up yoga during quarantine, as a way to move my body and engage my mind. I’ve studied, practiced, and seen serious improvements in my stability and flexibility. Plus, I feel great. One coach I watch online, Sean Vigue, always talks about yoga as youthening the body. He references his energy and drive as a kid, being able to play all day. He works out to return to that place, and I’ve loved that concept.

Making the body young again. Fighting against the natural decomposition of aging. And i feel like its working. I am still a novice and I am in no way claiming to be more than that. But in the six months or so I’ve been practicing, I can only see the progression continuing. I can’t not move around stretch now. I don’t get in our of bed without cracking open my chest and extending my spine. Ugh. I love it. It’s making me better at damn near everything I do.

I’ve been a gym guy for a looong time, like I was constantly in the weight room through high school and college. Since then, I’ve had stints of like 8 months or less, but I’m on a killer streak now. Because of yoga, my lifts are more controlled. My runs, which i do like every damn day since I quit smoking cigs, feature longer strides and deeper breaths. I am just now seeing changes in my body. I haven’t gained an ounce in the last six months, I sit right at 168-ish. My posture is improving. My shoulders sit higher and my back is stronger. I carry myself better, and the added confidence that brings is a relief to someone who suffers from low self-esteem and need for affirmation.

Like I said, the snowball. Yoga helps me focus and i see it as a form of meditation, as well as my time in the gym. I watch anime fights on the treadmill. My body started doing this cool new thing though, check this out. Whenever I get breathing hard, like end of my run really hard, my body reacts like I’m having a panic attack, and I uncontrollably cry. At the gym. Its fucking rad.

The harder I fight against my ego, the more natural my meditation is, the more I improve in the gym or at the keyboard, the more my mind fights back. I am fighting these feelings that push back as hard as i can go. I realize its a sign of growth, but it gets heavier and heavier. The sadness, this weird depression leaking from my frail state of mind, gets worse as my ability combat it improves.

Like the gym, I see this as a challenge. Next week, the weight won’t feel as much as a burden, but as a boon. Like Might Gai Sensai, my youth has not faded. The things I must do begin with a wish. A goal. A challenge. I am an afternoon tiger

A tentpole in buddhism is the concept of being better for others sake. I must attempt and strive to be better in all aspects, and I know i say the word better a ton but really thats the idea. For the sake of others, I must find peace. I must improve and follow dharma, youthen myself, so that others may do the same. The snowball. I yoga more. I lift more I eat more I sleep better I have more energy I lift better it all keeps improving my job my relationships my mental health. unbelievable pain, but I will acclimate.

Like the Avett Brothers say in the song “When I Drink”, —

Just do your best

It’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity
Maybe I don’t have to be good but I can try to be
At least a little better than I’ve been so far