Something I’ve seemed to propagate in the last few years is an increasingly cool group of friends. From my roommate Kiah, who I’ve known for 14 years, or our other roommate Chris, who I didn’t meet till he moved in. There are people from college still active in my life, coworkers from jobs long lost that keep in touch.

Then, there’s all the new people I’ve met in my two years in Fort Wayne. Bosses, dates, strangers in the bar, I have cast an incredible net.

The slipperiest fish I’ve landed is a lass called Natalie. She’s 19 years old, and was originally introduced to me as a coworker back in 2019. Then, when the restaurant industry crashed earlier this year, but miraculously the Sweetwater shipping department was immune, several Clyde employees and I ended up packing boxes. It was miserable, and I regret it. The people who stayed home were safe, and made more fucking money bc of unemployment. My dumbass was like “nah, I want to work for my money.” Bruh. Fuck that, get money.

ANyways, NAtalie was there with me the whole time. At every intersection in the warehouse when we would cross, we’d have something to say. Candy to share. Something. Anything to keep us sane in that helll hole. they played an Evanescence song at 8:18 pm every night I will never recover.

But now she’s just like, my best friend. She brings me this insane new perspective to my highlights as well as problems. She listens to my asinine amount of problems with girls and jobs and my brain and then, puts me in my place while also encouraging me. Wow. How fucking neat is that?

We roadied a couple joints and did circles around the fort wayne highways late the other night, and the conversation filled the car like the smoke. She said she was intrigued by buddhism, and wanted to know what I had recently been learning. We talked about or distrust and disappointment in Christianity, and how Buddhism can fulfill its goal. This is one of the first times where I have felt like my fledging practices are spreading out from me. So uplifting.

After our respective rants and raves about current relationships, we got quiet. Cotton mouth and good songs on the stereo can do that. Then, outta nowhere, like a scene from a somber love story, under the streetlights of the highway, she said she was free. And she was. In that moment, we had no attachments. Nowhere to go. No strings. I can still feel that smile my cracked lips pulled back.

She made sure to see me on my birthday. I attempt to give her advice on college. We have this unique back and forth that I am nothing but grateful for. From office quotes to managerial positions. What a gift.

I’ve sat with that feeling as much as I could since then. I want to feel that free, no be that free, all the time. Not just the picturesque moments, but in the cold days to come and the colder nights.