recycle – verb, convert waste into reusable material.

ChrisTulleyIsCool:re Chapter 2 initializing.

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re:MINDER, BLACK LIVES MATTER> ARREST THE COPS THAT MURDERED BREONNA TAYLOR> FUCK BROCK TURNER> PUNCHING NAZIS IS REQUIRED

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k. Fearless readers, all four of you, here’s the deal. This post is kinda about C3, the third version of Chris Tulley, but shxt, I have been struggling to direct the narrative in an engaging, appropriate way. Why should you be reading what I have to say about myself, when ol’ Asshat is still in the White House? When people across our cities, countries and planet are being oppressed in unspeakable, unimaginable ways? When animals are poached? When cancer takes your wife far too soon? When the BLM movement is more important than dxmn near any other current issue any of us realize?

This is re:CYCLE. In this new life, I have grasped on to some semblance of a purpose. Am I confident in my actions, you ask yourself, knowing damn well between my two jobs I work se7en days a week and I’m somewhat dangerously maybe close to a breakdown? Yes. I am confident in my current life choices, and ya know what? I’ve never felt this way before.

Hold on, fxck you, let me brag for like 1 sec. I’m killing it right now, working harder than ever in my daaaamn life, am completely independent, seriously good at my job, I got a good thing with a bad bxtch, and Alabama is still good at football. I do have a few reservations, albeit. Like I mentioned before, is it appropriate for me to celebrate myself, when the world is in true disarray? What if I fail, what if I lose my shxt again? I’ve been prescription drug free for six months now. No Adderall, no antidepressants, no antianxieties. Chris Tulley is as cool, if not slightly cooler than ever. I can handle my life, because of the … implications.

I’ve realized this site, the whole ChrisTulleyIsCool thing is for me, and my own ego and creative moments. But Chris Tulley, he’s for you. In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, (Buddhist equivalent to the bible, also I’m practicing, studying and loving Buddhism, but more that comes in re:BIRTH) we are taught that everything we do should be for the sake of others. That is who I want Chris Tulley to be, someone who hears, does and shares with others, for the greater sake of others. And I’m proud to share that it’s working.

I have an outstanding group of friends in my life right now. Coworkers, cousins, people in my life since middle school. Not only am I immensely supported and appreciated, but they are so uniquely cool. Every fxckin one of them.

Exhibit 1: Friend, female, Shelby. She is ENTHRALLING yall. Blue hair, Danny Devito tattoos, whole package right here. I’ve known her since last fall, when she started at the Clyde, where I’ve been behind the bar since July XX19. To further embarrass/ embellish her, here is a bullet point list of things I earnestly believe describes this fucking trash can woman.

She is:

• A mother
• A wife
• A cryer
• Smart, attentive waitress
• Genuine
• Stylish AF, I’ll include some pics, she got that scene bxtch look on look, and I love that for her.
• Ok you get it, I’ll end this bit here.

In the midst of reopening a restaurant in the last 3 months, handling her own responsibilities in life, handling the lame excuse for a life we’re living in 2020, Shelby continues to progress, to push forward with an unwavering smile, despite last night’s nightmares. I can go through life because I see what she is doing. I am a better human (she encourages me to take care of myself), friend (she needs me to be), and bartender (I could never let her or her tables down). 

Let me dive into that second point, she needs me. In her life, I have a specific role, and I intend to fulfill that, whatever that may be. That is my current purpose, to wrangle the bulls and carry the burdens of those in my life that may benefit in it. May that be any need of my parents, who I will always uphold, to a patron at the bar, who I will help get plastered, if need be. Sometimes we need that shxt.

re:CYCLE. Over the last few months, my cycle has been: awaken from my sweet sweet sweeeet slumber, smoke a fat [re:DACTED], go to work in the bar, get drunk afterwards, repeat. But in that, in the attempt to have mindfulness, to be here now, I have found a use for what I have often viewed as a wasted life, a broken marriage, a dead battery, in my friends, in my family, in the world. For the sake of others.

Fxck. Anyways. C3 has lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana, for 2 years and 7 days now. For 75 fat percent of it, I was the Sports Editor of the Decatur Daily Democrat, a small ltown newspaper, that I royally struck out on. I got complacent, lazy, and gave less than my best. That ain’t cool.

Since then, I’ve been bartending, which offers its own brand of service, as well as allowing me to explore cocktails, patio hangs, and listen to people, lend an hear or drink to someone who needs it. It’s an effective, lucrative way interact with the world.

So that’s where I’m at. Celiac, cancer, re:HEALED bones, a failed career, a failed marriage, a dog and a cat, a spicy peach, so many bottles of Jameson, a passion for the warmth of the sun, an open heart to the teachings of Buddha, His Holiness, and a love for my mama. No more suicidal thoughts, no more loss of appetite or sleep. I’m cool yall, I’m being re:CYCLED, for the sake of others.